It occurred to me recently that there may be an overarching reason as to why I'm unhappy at my day job-- it's just not the work I want to be doing. I have very developed skills as a musician, teacher and performer and doing anything else unrelated to that feels like I'm doing myself a huge disservice. In the past two years of holding down this job I hate, I have searched for other jobs I believe I could do and tolerate. The carved out jobs that exist and available are not things I want to do.
I'm a great music teacher. I pride myself on engaging my students of all ages, backgrounds, levels, ethnicity. I know how to keep them focused, I know how to communicate with them even if their English is limited. I know how to empower them. And they learn a great deal with me. And they remember it.
I am worried that I will never be a functional member of society as far as holding down a day job. I'm ok with that. I'm an artist, a musician. A performer. I don't belong in an office.
So now I face dealing with this constant feeling of being unsatisfied while at my day job. I deal with this while work 50-60 hours a week. Feeling burnt out at the end of each day and having to teach nonetheless. It's so very tempting to move back to CA, live at home for a few months and find a studio to teach out of. Establish myself as a performer. Make use of my car to transport equipment. Start over.
J. and I have briefly spoken about moving to CA. He doesn't seem to want to pursue it. I don't think he understands what's it really like for someone like me to deal with the above. I was raised in such a way that I was always told to pursue and develop my talents. So were many people..
Is this sort of thing taking the easy way out? Is leaning towards wanting to take advantage of pursuing and finding work in your passion the lazy way?